It was so cool that my place transcended the idea that Tea with pastry is only intended for uppity women. I think it was because I made my facility cozy and cool, instead of cozy and feminine. There's nothing feminine about RoTea, but yet it is inviting. If you see it, you would want to sit and chat for hours at RoTea. We get tons of people coming here for first date as well. We'll take 'em all!
I told Jessica to bring them a treat plate on the house. Jonah was working on a Mascarpone bread pudding earlier served with caramel sauce and vanilla ice cream. It was damn yummy. Whit would totally love it.
My ex boyfriend, Whit, is such a brilliant man. He's a musical genius for one. I think he can play every musical instruments that are in existence. He specializes in classical guitar and piano. He teaches at the most prestigious Art School in the country, Jupiter. He's dashingly handsome with his long blonde hair, great grin, and a sexy bod for a music teacher. He's got that California surfer dude look to him since that is who he was back in his younger days. He still looks it even when he chose to wear a jacket instead of a t-shirt and short.
I used to be so in love with him. I still love him now. I guess I just never really quit loving him. Though, I can't I say I am in love with him now, I still do care a whole lot for the dude. He's one of the closest persons to me and he's been in my life forever. I actually stopped being so much in love with him when Edward came in to the picture. Somehow, Edward wiped all feelings and desires I have ever had for Whit. I think Whit knew that since our relationship definitely changed after Edward. Even though Edward is long gone now, things aren't what it used to.
When Edward was in the picture and when I started to realize I was losing the feeling for Whit; I actually was happy. It was about time I thought. It had been almost five years we went back and forth, on and off and it was tiresome. We just couldn't agree whether we wanted to be together or we wanted to go our separate ways. At the end, we kept on going back together - at times because we loved each other, and most of the time because we loved being with one another, wanting more of the mind-boggling sex we always had.
I couldn't deny I love sex with Whit. It was always awesome and satisfying. However, when I was with Eddie, somehow it topped it. It wasn't just sexual with Eddie. With Whit, since we broke up so many times though we understood underneath it all, we always had love between us, it was not intense anymore. I forgot how it felt having sex with Whit and being totally in love and devoted to him mind, body, and soul. I had all that with Ed. It was purely intoxicating hearing Eddie making love to me and whispering how much he loved me. It was even more gratifying that I felt the same exact feeling and having the desire of wanting to give all my life and soul to him. Every time we laid in each other's arms, sweating and panting and he would sigh as he caught his breath.."I love you... huh..." He would then kiss my forehead, and crack a smile as he cupped my cheeks, "That was amazing...you're amazing, baby."
Before I knew it, my tears pooled in my eyes. I couldn't think about Edward that way without tearing up over it. I should stop this thinking now. We were so so happy. All of a sudden, he was gone. Not much explanation except that he wanted some time to figure things out. I was so at awe when he told me that. I flew all the way to Brazil, to Rio, to be with him. We were supposed to have a week of pure bliss together over there. He was there in one of his expedition drilling for work. It took me umpteen efforts to get a week off from CULTure.
I got there and I sensed that things weren't the same. I felt it right away. I didn't get the big smile I would usually get and the big hug and kiss that would follow. Instead I got a head nod. I was so tired from the flight and I was so happy to see him. I thought he was just in one of his bad mood. I was hoping anyway. When we got to his hotel - he dropped the bomb on me. He even gave me the "it isn't you, it's me." line. My world came tumbling down. I got on the next plane back to JFK and I have never seen him since. He had to make me fly to Brazil to dump me. It was one of the coldest things anyone has ever done to me. He said it was important to do it in person. In that case, he should have flown to New York then.
I thought for sure we would have been together forever. I trusted all his words. He told me he wanted nothing more than to grow old with me by my side, with him by mine. He told me all those forever saying like he meant it almost every day in our 10 months together. I really thought God gave me my soul mate. He was my oldest oldest friend. I've never thought in a million year if we would ever break up it would have been the way it happened. I've never thought he would just gave me up for no apparent reason but just to move on with a local girl in Brazil. I didn't see it coming.
Stuff like that didn't happen in world. My world is always so controlled - I always knew what would happen and what I want to happen. Stuff like lying and cheating, or treating a friend badly do not coincide in my world. I surround myself with classy people who know right from wrong, who have integrity and honor of at least wanting to keep their reputation in tact. I surround myself with good kind-hearted people who are proud of who they are. I knew Edward for 13 years since college days. I really thought he was a gentleman with nice upbringing. When I met his family back in New Jersey, I couldn't sense that they raised an asshole. Was I wrong.
Whit was there for me through the hardest part of it all. He was so afraid of losing me completely when he sensed that Edward and I were serious. He lashed out when he found out; but, then he was happy for me realizing that I might have found a man who loved me and wanted to be committed to me. Whit never wanted to get married - that was another thing. I wanted the whole nine yard. Whit was traumatized by his parents' divorce. He always told me he was committed to me and he didn't get why I would need a piece of paper to prove it. Then, I told him, if he was committed to me, what's a piece of paper to him. He just was afraid it would ruin everything. Little did he know that things were ruined anyway.
"Aren't you going to say hi to Whit?" Lexi said to me as she was stealing glimpse at my direction while typing away on the computer.
"Yeah, in a little bit." I said as I kept on perusing the procurement list.
"Are things ok between you two?"
"huh?" I looked up to see her. "Yeah...things are ok. There's nothing there." I said.
"I wish you two would just give in and get married." Lexi said. "I love Whit. He's good to you."
"He's better than some." I said. "But, he wouldn't marry me." I said as I looked at her straight. "You knew that, Lex." I said.
"He will come around eventually."
"You think I would wait for a man to come around to marry me?" I said. "I didn't wanna marry him. It's moot now." I said. "Maybe 3 years ago." I said. "Now? I don't even want to think about it."
"Don't let Ed ruin everything for you, Mag." She said. "He's just a guy. A stupid moronic asshole on top of that."
I smiled. "I know, sis." I said. "I'm trying. Things aren't as peachy here in my world. I didn't have the rock on my finger like yours." I said. "I took it a little hard as I had my hopes and dreams with him and I didn't even know what happened, and it was just gone. Just gone." I said.
She covered her hand hiding her ring. I looked up to her after I wiped my tears. I smiled. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad for being happy, Lex." I said. She nodded.
"I know." She said. "I'm sorry about Edward." She said. "But the sooner you could put him on your shit list, the sooner you can find happiness again." She said. "You can't keep dwelling on it, and keep on thinking why. Who cares, Mag? He's a moron for leaving you. Look at you and look at him!" Lexi said. "He's just a retarded man who can't stand being happy for once."
I nodded. "Yeah. He has his issue."
"He's a big boy, Mag. He made his bed." Lexi said. "Even if he ever come to his senses, I hope to God, that you would tell him hell no and go to hell!"
I was musing. Deep down I knew what she meant, but if I would hear from him - I would probably be the happiest girl in the world no matter how pathetic it sounded.
"For sure." I said. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." I said.
"Go say hi to Whit." Lexi said. "Don't be rude."
"I will! in a sec." I said.
"At the very least, Whit always knows how to make you smile."
I smiled. "So do you, Lexi." I said. She got up and hugged me. She then left the office to check on the front of the house.
***
Whit popped his head in to the office. He didn't wait for me to come out. I was sure Lexi told him to go to the back to see me.
"Hey you." He said.
I looked up and saw his handsome face and that made me smile instantly. "Hey!" I said.
"Busy?" he asked as he came approaching me. We hugged and he pecked me in the lips.
"uh, just a little." I said. "Just paperwork." I said. "Did you get the bread pudding?"
"Yeah. My students loved it." He said. "Thanks." He said. "Now they want to come here all the time." He said and grinned. "They couldn't believe we dated. They didn't think I was up to par for you."
"They got that right." I said and laughed. He tickled my waist as he held me in his arms..and he laughed.."Is that right?"
"You bet." I said. All of a sudden, he leaned down and kissed me. I wanted to stop it but I couldn't. I didn't wanna. He kissed me softly and deep, and for a little bit, I was lost in the sea of Whitfield Cooper that always seemed to sway me in waves of confusion.
"Was that for?" I asked when we were done with the kiss.
"Just miss you." He said. "I really do, hun." He said.
"Whit.." I said. "I didn't wanna go back there." I said. "I'm not having this conversation now either."
He nodded. "Yeah." He said. "Me neither."
I walked away to the desk. He leaned on one of the table as he watched me. "How are you feeling, otherwise Mag?" He asked.
"Fine.." I said and ignored him.
"Been sleeping better?" He asked. I nodded. "Oh yeah." I said. "Never had problem." I said.
He smiled. "Hey..good for you. Don't call me in the middle of the night...." I cute him off, "that was one time!"
"One time in the last month!" He said. "Just asking, don't need to be defensive."
"Oh, I'm so not!" I said.
"Yeah, ok. Glad I said hi." He said. He walked away. I just looked at him walking away.
After awhile, I felt bad. I knew he meant well and just stopping by to say hi. I didn't have to be such a lousy bitch to him. So I decided to seek him out to say sorry and offer him dinner at home. When I saw him at the dining room, he was leaning so close to one of his students. This pretty young blond who looked at him with admiration and adoration. I wanted to gag for a second. That's my Whit and all his army of women fans. The guy might not be Brad Pitt or Justin Bieber, but he could practically be one. He never runs out of a gang of admirers. He could literally have a new girl every night. Why he bother with an old hag like me, I just didn't get. The reason he would he take my shit over that blonde's willing admiration was because like any other men, Whit's a dumass.
Funny thing is, no matter how I said I am over him; my blood always boils every time I have to witness an encounter of Whit and his groupies. I just hate hate hate it. At times, I wanted to show them who's boss. Especially in the old days, I had the desire to show them he's mine, and just hurt their feeling because I could. But then, I thought, he was mine and he came home to me. I owned his heart and it was satisfying enough for me without having the need to ruin someone's night or hurt their feeling. I guess one good advice my mom taught me was "treat them like you want to be treated." Thus why, no matter how immature and insecure I could get, I knew better than to act on it.
I don't lose sleep because of my actions. I always sleep good realizing I am always settled with my conscience. I don't sleep because of other people's actions. Though at times, I wish I didn't believe in karma, since why in the hell bad things happened to me when I knew I always tried my best to be good to others. However, I do believe that what goes around comes around. It just never fails.
Right about now then I had the opportunity to totally screw with someone's happiness and well being. I looked at her, and even though I hated the way she looked at Whit, I didn't have any right to do anything about it. She could very well be Whit's soul mate, somebody I knew I wasn't. But realizing not so long ago, he planted a big one on me and that he told me he missed me, was victory enough. So, I decided to just walk away and went to the kitchen. I texted him sorry and told him I would make it up for him with dinner. He said, no. Already then. I tried.
***
Then I got another text from Whit. "Tomorrow?"
Yeah, I knew that was peculiar he was saying no to dinner. I was tempted to screw with him and said I couldn't do it tomorrow. But even so, after five years and being 35 years old, I had no more games in me.
I went home late tonight. I was sore from working with Gabi and Jonah on some new recipes. We were also working on the Millefeuile that Brad wanted to do for the show. I was glad when I got home and laid in my bed. Was watching my recorded Grey's Anatomy when the phone rang. It was my mom. It was a great interlude to an ending day. I think I would sleep ok tonight. I hope I hope.
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